Four times a week I find myself on Beechmont Avenue in Anderson Township, my hometown, and a suburb of Cincinnati. It is impossible to shake the stench of suburbia as I stroll down this main drag of housewives and bratty teenagers. I start by getting off on the five mile exit to go east on the scenic Beechmont route to my destination, about a ten minute drive. I turn up the radio and spy on people in their cars as I pass Applebee’s, KFC, Frisch’s Big Boy, and Target.
Everything is normal and perfect, just like they want it, until about a block down from Staples on the right. There on the corner is a pudgy figure, maybe 18-25, convulsing and screaming in front of the “WE BUY GOLD” store. He’s there every time. He parades up and down the sidewalk with his sign, “Don’t settle for less, we pay the best, American Gold Buyers.” I have seen other versions of this marketing ploy, the guy in the chicken suit, or the statue of liberty dancing in front of the accountants around April. But this kid is different.
Sometimes I roll up my window out of awkwardness, and sometimes I just glance out of the corner of my eye. Often, I will act like I’m looking in the glove box, but I’m really trying see his next dance move. He incorporates the sign into his act, and sometimes puts it between his legs as if he’s riding it, or he might unsuccessfully attempt to twirl it like a baton. He doesn’t seem to mind the fail, as he screams along with whatever tune is on his disc man. His technique is a blend between white boy hip hop dancing and maybe something he saw at a rave.
The Gold Kid has a place in Anderson. Whether people are actually selling their Gold because of his hard work is questionable, but not the point. Anderson Township needs the Gold Kid just like he needs some meth and a corner to freak out on. Keep shaking it up.
